Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The original pervy hobbit fancier's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, March 1st, 2003
8:01 pm	The Very Secret Diary of Legolas This seems ill-advised. And yet, I am compelled. So here you go: The Very Secret Diary of Legolas Day One: Whee! Day Two: I like to run! Day Three: I look good when I run! Day Four: I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark v. good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible? Day Six: Is Gimli staring at my butt? Day Seven: No wonder he's always lagging behind. Day Eight: Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an aardvark. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf. Am still the prettiest. Day Nine: Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses so not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on regarding hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important. Still prettiest. Day Ten: Bother! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion. Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side. Day Eleven: Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." So not worth it. Am rethinking, though. Roots are showing. Still prettiest although at this rate for how long? Day Twelve: Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, it was just that he killed Balrog last week. Note to self: never date Gandalf. Day Fifteen: Arrived in Edoras. V. upset. Suspect Eowyn may be prettier than me. Most unexpected as always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types. Not the prettiest! V. bitter. Day Nineteen: Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so butch. Have goosebumps. Day Twenty: Poke bonnet absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide. Day Twenty-seven: Exeunt Aragorn, pursued by wolves of Isengard. On con side: Am stuck with ugly necklace. On pro side: No longer have to wear poke bonnet. Am pretty again! Day Twenty-nine: Aragorn back. Apparently taking header off cliff not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he just clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it." Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really. Day Twenty-Nine: Battle of Helm's Deep so embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at the hands of smelly Orcs in backwater rural province, have now been saved at zero hour by Haldir showing up with really bad weave. On plus side, Eowyn stuck in rancid cave. Perhaps will develop cave blight. Then I will be prettiest forever. Day Thirty Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late it seems. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed because Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Is jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up. Sod him. Have received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is actually true. No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far! Current Mood: amused (895 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
1:16 pm	clearing things up, apology Man, 426 comments on my last entry and it was kind of a lame one. O_O I am sorry I haven't written another very secret diary. There is no particular reason for this, I just got out of the swing of things while in England and have been on actual work deadline since I got back, so it has kind of slipped my mind. *cower* I haven't even looked at this LJ in ages. I did write half of the Legolas diary on a bar napkin, which I will no go retrieve and try to do something with. Someone also asked me if I had gotten a Cease and Desist letter from the Tolkien people telling me to stop writing these. This posits an alternate universe in which they care about the Very Secret Diaries, but the answer to that would be, obviously, no I haven't. I don't know anything about how issues of fanfic stand in the LOTR fandom because I'm not in it, but there seem to be plenty of slash archives that exist with no issues so I can't imagine why TPTB would want this fairly mild stuff off the net. On top of which, obviously, if I had gotten a C and D I'd have had to take down what ALREADY exists, not just stop writing new material. That's how these things work, AFAIK. The only semi official missive I have ever recieved from anyone Tolkien related is a letter from the Tolkien Society saying they'd read the VDSs at a meeting and were amused. I will continue posting the diaries here but eventually I'll probably take this LJ down and redirect everyone to the official archive site at http://home.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries *tools off to write Legolas diary, of which the first word is "Whee!"* (284 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 25th, 2002
5:16 am	The Very Secret Diary of Theoden Co-written with madlori, who is, as always, in inspiration to me in all things. Day One Desperately in need of new personal assistant. Have contacted Ninety Minute Minion Services in Isengard. Seems best bet as if minion does not arrive in ninety minutes you get free Orc. Do not actually know what would do with Orc if had one, so do hope minion arrives on time. Day Two New minion arrived. Not best looking bloke I've ever clapped eyes on, but then again, not everyone can be brainless pretty boy with big show-off ponytail like Eomer. Little does Eomer know Wormtongue has promised me new makeover with Saruman's personal line of beauty products. Has promised me I will look fresh and youthful. Day Three Is that a grey hair? Day Four New makeover gone horribly awry. Do not look fresh and youthful, instead resemble albino dwarf after two years pickling in the Dead Marshes. Suspect Wormtongue has crush on Eowyn. Cannot blame him as Eowyn quite smoking. Don't know where she gets off being so high and mighty. Have told her - pose for Shield Maidens Gone Wild you must expect some male attention. Day Six Why has no one noticed I now resemble a weevil? Not has Eomer commented on my new mascara. Eomer so spoiled. "I want a party. I want a pony." Have banished him from Rohan for whining. Day Seven Have reversed opinion on makeover. Am now quite taken with new look, as is so alarming no one bothers me. Can sit on throne all day in peace. Much needed vacation. Citizens of Edoras so tiresome and unhygenic. Day Eight Vacation over. Gandalf arrived sporting alarming new makeover of his own. Gandalf no fun. Cannot abide anyone else having new and daring look. Prima Donna! Brought along three boy toys of varying sizes. My squadron of hand picked bodyguards totally whupped by tiny hairy newt, pretty boy elf and unshaven tramp. Obviously, need better screening process. Day Ten Attacked by Orcs. Aragorn "No Skillz 2 Pay Da Billz" Son of Arathorn fell over cliff, thus avoiding sticking around for battle. So much for Hero King of Men. Day Eleven Have arrived at Helms Deep. Time for a nice long nap. Day Eleven, Later Nap disturbed by return of Aragorn, who is not so dead after all. Apparently, absolutely ridiculous number of Orcs headed this way. Morale of men not improved by Aragorn's craven attempts to sneak away through side door. Have misdirected him to wine cellar three times now. If I am not getting away from this, neither is he. Is all his fault anyway. Am not sure how, but it is. Day Thirteen Where is the horse and the rider? No, seriously, where are they? That was my favorite horse. Day Thirteen, Later Losing battle spectacularly. Who is surprised? Not me. Day Sixteen Heroic self-sacrificing death scene ruined by arrival of Gandalf and still-insufferable Eomer. Why did Gandalf wait until dawn to arrive? Suspect is so he would be most attractively backlit while riding down hill. Drama Queen. Have gotten revenge on him by telling all my men Gandalf is wearing fishnets under white robe. First one who snaps his garter gets to snog Legolas. Who wields the flame of Arnor now, you poncy tosser? *** (195 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 23rd, 2002
9:38 pm	New VSD gear! Hello, all! flourish here, and I have hax0red Casscat's journal! Or not. Actually, I'm here to announce that the VSD store is back, with new gear! So far we have up "Sam will kill you if you try anything" and "Still the prettiest" gear, but we're planning to follow it with more of the slogans you love so dearly. What are you waiting for? For wrath! For ruin! For consumer culture! For character assassination! Forth Eorlingas! EDIT: By the way, we really need to start a Haldir protection society. First Cassie calls him "gay as a spring parade," then she YMs me and calls him hideous... really! There have to be some other Haldir fans out there! Rally to me! Ignore Casscat's slander! Edited by Cassie to say that: Haldir is HIDEOUS and his eyebrows don't match his wig. V. disturbing. I woul say more but I have to deal now with the horrible slander of titanic_days who is once again claiming that Elijah Wood "looks like a frog." That is not true. Although Eomer did resemble an aardvark. Edited AGAIN by Flourish to say that: Everyone needs to join the Haldir Protection Society - savehaldir. It's an open community so go join and proclaim your Haldir love! (126 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 22nd, 2002
11:45 pm	covering all the world with a second slashiness Ok. Have buckled like belt. Have written new VSD. Have committed character assasination on Faramir, but then if PJ can do it, so can I. The Very Secret Diary of Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Part Two Day One Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not King. Stubble update: satisfactory. Day Two Ran into army of Rohirrim. Asked Eomer if he knew where hobbits were. Got v. cagey answer. Perhaps Eomer still mad about that last bender I went on where I painted rude words in Elvish all over his horse. Decided not to mention he has obviously copied hairstyle from Legolas. He wouldn't be giving me this attitude if I were King. Day Three Once you've seen one pile of smoking dead Orcs, you've seen 'em all. That's all I'm sayin.' Day Four Ran into Gandalf. Turns out he did not actually die but instead was forced by Balrog to sell out to laundry detergent company and is now Gandalf the Sparkly White. PR whore. Next thing he'll be charging for pointy hat trick. Day Six In Edoras. King Theoden giving me attitude. He was all, "Are you King here? Last time I checked, I was King here. I'm lookin' around and I don't see anyone else with a crown on his head. Eh? Eh?" Was forced to admit I am indeed still not King. In revenge, stole his wallet when he was not looking and used it to open charge account at Gap of Rohan. Have bought matching poke bonnets for Gimli and Legolas. Day Seven Suspect Eowyn fancies me. Cannot blame her as stubble so manly is turning even self on. Day Nine Fell over cliff. Stupid wolves of Isengard. Think was rescued by Arwen but when woke up was kissing my horse. Bit of a squick there. Have lost favorite sparkly necklace in river. Feeling v. petulant as there is no such thing as bad jewelry. Well, maybe Ring. Stubble update: wet. Day Twelve Triumphant return to Helm's Deep. Got hugged by Gimli. As if I needed to be reminded that he is belt buckle height yet again. Necklace returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been "You're late" or could have been "Throw me down and shag me rotten." Not entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume. Still not King but too busy keeping up men's morale to brood. Upcoming battle should be piece of cake, really. Day Fourteen Standing on battlements of Helm's Deep. Absolutely ridiculous number of Orcs headed this way. Who are we kidding anyway. We are so fucked. Perhaps this place has a side door. Day Fourteen, Later Elves have sent army of most willowy and graceful warriors to assist us. Will be no use at fighting of course but at least I will die looking at something pretty. Theoden keeps muttering, "It's unbelievable!" about elf army. Was forced to agree --it is unbelievable that Haldir's eyebrows do not match his weave. Keep trying to sneak out side door, but Gimli following me everywhere. Will never be King at this rate. Day Fifteen Unexpectedly victorious in battle of Helm's Deep, but celebration ruined by obnoxious postcard from Faramir, which included picture of himself on beaches of Osgiliath with tiny Ringbearer and fat companion, sharing a pina colada and wearing colorful shorts. Postcard reads: Dear Aragorn, Thanks for the Ring and the hobbits. They are small, but v. bendy. Just what I always wanted! Still have fond memories of that night we spent together in Minas Tirith. Love and kisses, Faramir. God damn Faramir. Might as well just have let Boromir have the Ring and cut out the middleman. At least I know Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Still not King. *** (308 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 1st, 2002
12:07 am	*unlocks journal, unbans everyone, opens windows and lets in sunlight* *shower of dust falls on head* *coughs* Eighteen days. Now to get around to seeing the extended cut of FOTR.... (147 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 15th, 2002
1:29 am	*snertle* So TORN finally decided to link to me. Not that I minded. I just think it's funny... "The Very Secret Diaries.... 6/13/02, 6:40 pm EST - Tehanu So secret that TORN wouldn't report on them....until now! If you've been wondering where the term 'Pervy Elf Fancier' came from originally, as well as a lot more current LOTR slang, visit this alternative-lifestyle version of Middle-earth to find out. If the term 'alternative lifestyle' means nothing to you, don't go there. Some language and situations may offend some of you, and kill the rest of you laughing." Alternative lifestyle? And here I thought pervy hobbit-fancing had become mainstream. "Frodo Has Two Godfathers" and all that. :D (74 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 30th, 2002
4:33 pm	There will not be another Diary for a while. The reason for this is that the movie is no longer out in theaters. If I can't watch LOTR for reference, I really can't do another diary, since the diaries are movie-canon and it's too hard to do them from memory. I'll probably do another one when the DVD comes out, especially for deleted scenes. Cassie out.
Monday, May 6th, 2002
11:15 pm	whee. People have been asking about new Secret Diaries merchandise. Well.... http://www.cafeshops.com/cp/store.aspx?s=vsd01,vsd02,vsd03,vsd04,vsd05,vsd06,vsd07,vsd08,vsd09,vsd10,vsd11,vsd12,vsd13,vsd14,vsd15 Check it out. All of these designs are by Lar de Souza, who is a wonderful artist -- you might have seen his illustrations at the Encyclopedia Potterica on the Unofficial Harry Potter site. I'm so thrilled he drew for me! *update* Have added Ringwrath shirts, Merry and Pippin shirts, etc. (164 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 30th, 2002
1:14 pm	*giggles* Ahem, three things: 1) I note in my comments section that someone says Elijah has seen the VSD's. So Ashley and I are making him a shirt. Because we want to. 2) Am going to Ash Wednesday premiere in NYC on May 11. Yay! 3) People have been asking how old I am due to the LJ icon. Apparently they think that's me, and that I'm a very studious 30 or 40. I think this is hilarious. That's not me, that's a character from a fanfiction who also is called Cassandra, and has red hair. Since there seems great interest in the topic, I'm 24. Monica, the artist, is refusing to draw me a new userpic unless I get her an Elijah autograph at the Ash Wednesay premiere. She is a difficult ho. *smack* Anyone else want to draw me one? 4) Yes, I'm working on the Ring diary. Okay, so that was 4 things. Nyeah. (89 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 25th, 2002
3:25 pm	shock! surprise! Frodo's my fancy! What's your fancy? Click here and tell the world! Amusing quiz. Was rather a shock to see the pics on LJs. Snicker. (54 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 22nd, 2002
10:28 am	sniffle http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=pot_pal_ashley&itemid=14082 I can{t do proper links because Im in Costa Rica and I cannot get the bloody keyboard to work. No apostraphes either. However, I just wanted to do a shoutout to my Ashwise, who is a wonderful person and this weekend gave both Billy Boyd and Viggo Mortenson copies of the Diaries. I was initally sad to miss ICON, but I cant say Costa Rica isnt pretty nice ::grin:: and if I cannot go, then having Ash go is second best. I read her account and Im just so thrilled and touched that so many people like the Diaries, that they have become this weird ::thing:: that is so much bigger than me or my livejournal page. Anyway, hobbit hugs to you all and go give Ashley encouragement. (Current count of people who she has inflicted the Diaries on: Billy Boys, Ian McKellan, Viggo Mortenson, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh. She should work in PR, she really should.) I was so happy reading her ICON description, I cried a bit. Of course, it was probably the tequila. Cassio (48 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 19th, 2002
7:21 pm	wah! I suppose nobody should complain about an all expenses paid trip to Costa Rica, but whyyyy did it have to be now, when I will miss all the cool things happening in NYC, like Viggo's book-signing, and the ICon thing, which okay, I don't really know what it is, but it sounds cool, (check out www.livejournal.com/users/pot_pal_ashley for more on the book signing) and how else am I supposed to meet other pervy hobbit fanciers? (And Diary fanciers?) if I don't get to go? ::snivels wretchedly:: We ought to have some kind of meet up for TT, we really ought. Cassie, wibbling (70 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 12th, 2002
1:20 am	pervy hobbit fancying, hurrah *snerks* Am working on Ring diary. Am bad, unable to quit, diary addicted girl. (107 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 31st, 2002
1:59 am	trailer. droool. Secret Diary of Me: Went to see LOTR yet again to catch TT preview footage. Brought along pervy elf fanciers queerasjohn and angiej and hobbit-fancying pot_pal_ashley to squee over the Frodo and Sam bits. Was mildly shocked to encounter several pervy Diary fanciers, apparently attracted by the radiant glow of Ashley's Sam Will Kill Me t-shirt. Shoutout to you Diary fans, especially the chick who gave me the Cadbury egg. Will always whore myself out for chocolate. Does that count as taking payment for fanfic? Am still melted puddle of liquid fangirly glee after seeing footage. This pervy hobbit fancier thinks there was not enough Sam and Frodo, although the elf fanciers disagree. There was certainly plenty of Legolas. Legolas with his bow, Legolas running, Legolas running some more, run Legolas, run! Obviously whoever cut this footage together is not stupid. Note there was no Gimli. Poor Gimli. None too impressed with Gandalf the White. No pointy hat. How can he do pointy hat trick? Also what with him being all in white and Saruman being in even more blinding white is beginning to resemble laundry bleach commercial. "No, Saruman! MY whites are brighter! AAAAAARGH!" Am pleased to note that Aragorn, apparently not aware that this is a sequel, still hasn't washed his hair. What, no showers in Rohan? (John says, No, no, is not a sequel, is a continuation of one book in three volumes. Bite me, you pedant.) Aragorn says, Will not wash my hair until I am KING! Verdict is in: Faramir v. hot. Apparently his screen time with Frodo and Sam has been greatly expanded upon to include more pervy hobbit-fancying. Okay, made up the last bit, but the more Faramir the better. Rampant tottie for everyone! Despite gift of breeches, Galadriel being v. mean about Frodo. "The Quest will claim his life." Well, of course it will if you just sit there in Lothlorien doing nothing to help, you silly tiara-wearing bint. (Tiara looks better on Elrond, anyway.) John wants to know who plays Denethor. Anyone? Bueller? And lastly, Sam and Frodo, SQUEEE. (Shoutout to the WOTR.) Did you notice how close together they were sleeping while Gollum was sneaking up on them? They were practically holding hands. Gollum ought to know better; Sam will kill him if he tries anything. *** (170 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 25th, 2002
8:24 pm	a little bit of evil. Sauron's diary, finished. The Secret Diary of Sauron Dedicated to John, the sweetest loveliest guy who was ever hacked by a complete loser. And Alex, because he’s been sick. I mean ill. Oh, whatever. Day One: Dirty weekend with Elrond turned sour when I told him purple was not his color. Day Five Have been marched against by last alliance of men and nancing elves. Is transparent attempt by Elrond to get back at me for comment about purple. I will not take it back! I told him purple made him look like an eggplant, and it does. Is no need for him to get so shirty about it. Day Six Is not that being defeated by last alliance is so bad, is not even that being reduced to a disembodied eyeball is so bad, although Visine would be a comfort. But whose bright idea was it to slice onions in here? -later- Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip. Have taken their disco ball away. God, it's fun to be evil. Day Three Million Five: Am bored. Have been waiting for Middle-Earthlink guy to come and install DSL in Barad-Dur since second-age. Will use palantir as alternative to personal ads, as am lonely. Day Three Million Seven: I spy with my big-huge-nasty-flaming eye...something resembling a novelty dashboard ornament. Witch King of Angmar tells me it's a hobbit. Is rather cute. On the smallish side, but I'm hardly one to talk appearances these days. Day Three Million Nine: ARGH! That tiny bloke has MY RING! later.. Have sent the nine to fetch ring back. If nine succeeds in sorting their elbows from asshats, that is. Day Three Million Eleven: Have met v. nice bloke over the palantir. An older gent, seems to have copied hairstyle from Galadriel, but no matter. He likes me for me. Finally someone to see past the eyeball. Will send him packet of glittery barrettes. Day Three Million Thirteen: Tried to ask Saruman over for dinner, but lost nerve at last moment and said some idiotic thing about building an army instead. Is somewhat amusing watching him play violin for orcs and goblin men in attempt to spark romance, so will not clear up confusion just yet. Day Three Million Sixteen: Wonder if Saruman becoming somewhat deaf? Told him I was hoping we could delineate boundaries of relationship, instead he defoliated Isengard. Day Three Million Twenty: Some bearded tart with pointy hat trying to horn in on my action. Hmmm. Ex-boyfriend? Think Saruman may have put him in guest bedroom. Will have to ask S. to clarify. Day Three Million Twenty-One: Elrond having another of his disastrous parties. Why was not invited? Just because have no body and cannot play twister with Legolas is no reason to snub me. Day Three Million Twenty-Two: Have been watching Fellowship through palantir. Ringbearer really v. pretty, I must admit, with big soulful eyes and little hairy feet. What I wouldn't give for a body and a shower-cap right now. Although bath-obsessed hobbit companion would probably kill me if I tried anything. Day Three Million Twenty-Three: Bored bored bored, so caught up on palantir-watching today. Lovely place, Moria, used to vacation there. Pointy-hatted ex-bf seemed nervous; sent word to Bob to keep an eye out. I mean a look out. I mean... oh bugger. Day Three Million Twenty-Four: No word back from Bob. Suspect he is moping. Never could sort out his love life. Always whining and writing in his journal. Bloody sensitive demon types, no use at all. Day Three Million Twenty-Five: Pointy hatted ex fell into shadow. Down with the competition! Ringbearer moping. Suspect Aragorn son of Arathorn might like to have a go at cheering him up. Apparently something of a pervy hobbit-fancier. So that’s why the blood of Numenor died out. Day Three Million Twenty-Six: Fellowship in Lothlorien. Oh god, Galadriel Galadriel Galadriel. It's always about HER. Paint my toenails, Sauron. Don't touch my hair, Sauron. I want a pretty ring, Sauron. Then she goes off with slabbish oaf Celeborn. Bet HE cannot forge twenty rings of Power. Suspect bitch-slap fight brewing between Galadriel and Legolas as to which of them can nance around better while holding water pitcher. Cannot help but roll my eye over this. Time to toss some Jiffy Pop into Mount Doom and watch the fireworks. later Well, would you look at that dwarf getting it on with Celeborn. I tell you, three Million years on Middle-Earth and some things still surprise me. Day Three Million Twenty-Nine: Finally some decent fighting. Orcs killed : four hundred, v. bad. Humans killed : one. Go Uruk-Hai! Is it just me, or is Aragorn son of Arathorn kinda gay? Maybe is just me. ----- This may be the last diary – I really need to get back to working on FictionAlley, a wonderful site run by lovely people, which I have horribly neglected lately. (If you've enjoyed reading these as much as I've enjoyed writing them, please make my day and vote here for FA – they let you vote once a day so don’t worry if you already voted.) Whee! And thanks for liking the diaries so much -- it's been really fun. And course the diaries will be back in December, when TT comes out, and Sam gets to kill a whole bunch of new people when they try anything. (156 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 23rd, 2002
11:56 pm	meep Hey there. People have been asking me where my HP journal is, since this is the LOTR one. It's here. It's totally not a secret or anything; it's just that there won't be any diaries posted there, or any pervy hobbit-fancying. We fancy Draco there instead.
Tuesday, March 19th, 2002
3:00 pm	excerpt from Sauron's diary The Secret Diary of Sauron Day One: Dirty weekend with Elrond turned sour when I told him purple was not his color. Day Five Have been marched against by last alliance of men and nancing elves. Is transparent attempt by Elrond to get back at me for comment about purple. I will not take it back! I told him purple made him look like an eggplant, and it does. Is no need for him to get so shirty about it. Day Six Is not that being defeated by last alliance is so bad, is not even that being reduced to a disembodied eyeball is so bad, although Visine would be a comfort. But whose bright idea was it to slice onions in here? -later- Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip. Have taken their disco ball away. God, it's fun to be evil. *** All right, more later. Thanks for all the supportive comments on the last post. I feel much cheerier. Now, if you really want to make me happy, :D you don't need to leave a comment, just vote for Fictionalley one the top sites page. (This I suppose is more for the HP ers than the LOTR ers.) It's a lovely site and it deserves to win. C'mon, have I ever asked you for anything? *winks* (76 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 1st, 2002
2:25 pm	The Very Secret Diary of Elrond Was in weird mood when I wrote this one. Oh, my head. Poor Elrond. The Very Secret Diary of Elrond Day 1: Bad breakup with Isildur. As if the pervy hobbit-fancying wasn't bad enough, he would insist on wearing tacky gold jewelry against my advice. Confirms my suspicions that humans not just weakest race of Middle-Earth, but also cannot accessorize worth a damn. NB: Big battle, we won, Sauron defeated. Plundered Barad-dur but notable lack of pretty things to take home. Sauron's decorating tastes definitely running towards black, knobbly, tattered look. So not me. Day 3: Isildur set upon by orcs and killed. Told him his poor dress sense would attract all the wrong sorts. Day 2,0045: So bored in Rivendell. Have decided to hold council meeting and name it after myself. Will invite all eligible males of Middle-Earth who have nothing better to do on a weekend to come. Go me! Hope Legolas does not attend; still remember party in Second Age where he disappeared mysteriously, along with two gallons of my favorite strawberry bath suds, a bottle of olive oil, and three of those tiny hobbit creatures from the Shire Isildur was so strangely fond of. Day 200048: Drat. Legolas first one to RSVP to my party invitation. Wish he would not use scented pink stationary as makes me sneeze. Did however offer to bring game of Twister to play. Along with disco ball I borrowed from Sauron back in First Age, should make for quite the party. Day 200050: Unexpected surprise as Gandalf stopped by, apparently just to have a whinge about big fight he had with Saruman. Tuned him out -- do I look like an Agony Aunt? Why does everyone come to me with problems? Day 200051: Gandalf does not like Twister idea and has rejected my suggestion of a polka music theme for the Council. Instead insists we sit around and talk about boring old fate of Middle Earth, defeat of ultimate evil, blah blah blah. Don't see why we all have to suffer just because Isildur couldn't give up his jewelry habit. Day 200059: Gandalf made me return disco ball to Sauron. Told me to sort out my priorities. He should talk -- he's the one who attracted a crowd this afternoon with that pointy hat trick he likes to do. Glorfindel so horrified by pointy hat trick he would not stop sobbing spasmodically until was calmed by liberal application of hobbit weed. New generation of elves such wimps. Day 200061: Everyone finally arrived for party -- oh wait, I mean boring-ass Secret Council Meeting. Ponced off myself to have a sulk, and bumped into smallest hobbit hanging about the greensward. Took him for inanimate lawn ornament at first, but soon was furnished with proof that he was very much alive. Says his name is Pippin. Perhaps Isildur was onto something with all those hobbits after all. Day 200068: All right, who's been using all my strawberry bath bubbles? Certainly wasn't Aragorn, judging by the state of *his* hair. Day 200071: Loud giggly splashy noises emanating from first floor bathroom. No one can get in. Legolas practicing his nancing in the meeting hall, Boromir hanging about the shards of Narsil, obviously hoping Aragorn will show up, and Gandalf still breaking in new pointy hat. Tried to have a quiet think in the garden only to discover someone had dug up all the carrots. Is there no peace to be had? Day 200072: Refused to let Arwen attend Council of Elrond, as if she does, she will certainly notice I have borrowed her tiara. Tiara looks better on me anyway. Day 200075: Council very boring. Got to say "DOOM" a few times in v. dramatic voice but am afraid Ringbearer was not impressed as was busy fending off advances of Aragorn, who was making all sorts of suggestive sword comments. He better watch it. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Tried to cheer self up by trying on favorite purple dress of Arwen's, but am fairly sure someone was watching as could hear tittering noise coming from broom closet. Do not see what is so funny -- purple dress looks fabulous on me. Day 200076: Fellowship leaving tomorrow. Decided to give Pippin goodbye tour of Rivendell. In process, purple dress got all stretched out of shape. Hope Arwen does not notice -- she gets so grabby about her things, and since they've closed the Gap of Rohan, probably no way to get another dress like it. Pippin told me purple is so my color. Go me! (192 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
5:19 pm	Debating? Who's debating? Those baby blues are SO sexy! You're a child molestor! Or rather, a Hobbit molestor. Frodo may be upwards of 50 years old, but face it, he looks about 10. And that's exactly what makes you feel all tingly down there. You'll spend your days adoring his baby blues and debating whether or not to corrupt his innocence. Hmph. Am not Hobbit molester. Am pervy hobbit-fancier. (146 Comments |Comment on this)