The original pervy hobbit fancier (cassieclaire) wrote,
The original pervy hobbit fancier
cassieclaire

excerpt from Sauron's diary

The Secret Diary of Sauron

Day One: Dirty weekend with Elrond turned sour when I told him purple was not his color.

Day Five Have been marched against by last alliance of men and nancing elves. Is transparent attempt by Elrond to get back at me for comment about purple. I will not take it back! I told him purple made him look like an eggplant, and it does. Is no need for him to get so shirty about it.

Day Six Is not that being defeated by last alliance is so bad, is not even that being reduced to a disembodied eyeball is so bad, although Visine would be a comfort. But whose bright idea was it to slice onions in here?

-later-

Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip. Have taken their disco ball away. God, it's fun to be evil.

***
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YAY!

Anonymous

March 19 2002, 22:28:28 UTC 15 years ago

SAURON'S DIARY ROCKED! thanx it's great! bye!
Okay more later? (groan) How you tease and trample! I gotta have my VSD fix. Wait, that sounds faintly disgusting doesn't it?

Oh well. I'm a shameless addict. I ADMIT IT!!

Go Cassie.

:):):)

hey- well done on the diary- all of them, in fact...
if i can't email you and praise you in that way i'll send you a letter- because i think you have real talent. the diaries are some of the funniest things i have read on the internet in a long time. well done
kylie- numbercouchpotato@hotmail.com
ps. i was thinking of a character whose diary you could try- maybe treebeard, the ent? pippin's take on screwing a giant tree man would be extremly funny and merry's even better, judging by your wrtiting so far

Mwuahaha...

Anonymous

March 20 2002, 03:08:34 UTC 15 years ago

That's the spirit. Amass a vast army of netizens, and then use them for your own sinister purposes. You should consider taking money to recommend sites.
Well done!

Brood
Saw people discussing your site on #subcafe. Have been addicted ever since. Checking daily for new diaries *grin*. Have the Still Not King shirt. Co-workers and I tend to ask each other "How you doing?" "Still not King, damnit!" Spreading the word as much as I can!

On the other hand, much sympathy re:Jeff. Been four years since my psycho-stalker ex lost track of me (after two-plus years of obsession), and it's not long enough! Good luck, and ignore the idjits who blame the victim. They obviously have NO IDEA.

Keep it up - can't wait to see your take on the next two movies/books!

KaTe
Cassie, I wanted to say how much i have enjoyed reading the secret diary. I actually came to your site via musingsofviggo site and my two daughters' had read your ff on another site and we had all enjoyed it very much.
I have to say that you captured the characters so well, that when I have seen the movie since I find myself recalling the things you have said. Go me!!
A real pleasure and be assured that 99% of us love te work you write, it is that wierd 1% (I suppose that would include Jeff the stalker) who spoil it for you and ultimately us.
Keep going and keep writing!!
Stella German (age 40+)
Hey there,
I have gotten a copy of your "Secert Daires" nd I think they are funny as hell! I just wanted to tell you that I am a proud Pervy hobbit-fancier or whatever you called people who loved hobbits too much for their own good^_^ I am sorry, I want to moleste Frodo and all of his hobbit friends! Lily getting away, sorry about that. Well I just wanted to tell you that your daries made me happy and laugh like hell and I plan on getting one of your shirts that says "Sam will kill me if I try anything" so...Well email me or try to talk to me over the net, my email is Piccolo_68@hotmail.com and my screen names are:
AIM: Lily Mujaki20
AOL: Angel Lily6920
MSN: Piccolo_68@hotmail.com
Yahoo: Lily42084

hope to hear from you soon!

love always,
Lily-chan
Personally, I like the -"Aloof, unavailable elf princess"- 1 !
Can you get those shirts sent 2 England?

mmmm...

Anonymous

March 20 2002, 09:04:07 UTC 15 years ago

lol-funny!
(Get down funky orcs)

~*~Kelly~*~
P.S. (I like onion dip!!!-LOL)

To Funny

Anonymous

March 20 2002, 09:52:42 UTC 15 years ago

Loved the disco ball thing, to cute. Keep on writing! ^_^
*Bunny Princess*
Great job, Cassie! Love the VSDs.
Still not king, dammit!

Now I have a question - *where* can I find more fan fiction on anything other than HP? I really like the idea of Fiction Alley, Schnoogle, etc., but really, really detest HP (as I think most LOTR fans do). Is there a LOTR-only fanfic site? Or are there fiction-written-by-fans-but-not-necessarily-fan-fiction sites??

Hugs! --Rowena
I'm a Lord of the Rings AND Harry Potter fan and I'm sure I'm not alone
What page am I on? First or second? Second? I never get up early enough to reply first... *Elvish pout* Oh well; better get commenting...

Fav parts of "Sauron VSD"

I LURVE this line:

"Day Six Is not that being defeated by last alliance is so bad, is not even that being reduced to a disembodied eyeball is so bad, although Visine would be a comfort. But whose bright idea was it to slice onions in here? "

(OK, OK, so it's more paragraph than line...)

And this one I love even more!!! :D

"Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip."

LOL Is there more of Sauron's VSD coming? When? Gotta know!!!

Sowen the Kougra Catgirl and the original f/t PEF & p/t PDF (has the user name of "purple_elrond" at Neopets...)
You never talk about DV anymore... and when will it be out?
I'll stop now and run away.


*laughs* I gave up on talking about DV here. Nobody cares. :D I created another LJ for my HP life. www.livejournal.com/users/epicyclical.

Nah, I care!! :)

Anonymous

15 years ago

Anonymous

March 21 2002, 01:11:34 UTC 15 years ago

Awesome. Keep it coming!

Anonymous

March 21 2002, 01:58:31 UTC 15 years ago

Visine! Maybe that's all he wanted, in the end.
I just wanted to tell you that your vsd's have given me much joy and so much (stifled) laughter that I think I am now known as "That Scary Girl" in my college library. And of course I would love to have the diaries go on forever, but i say only do them if you're having fun.
Because everyone deserves to have fun. With hobbits and strawberry-scented bubble bath whenever possible. :)
I am slowly but surely getting the Diaries known by all the academics in my Faculty. Its interesting to note that those who don't like them are male. Not all males - I'm male and love them, but those that don't are male. Perhaps they're closet hobbit fanciers and don't know how to deal with their feelings? :)

- Still not graduated yet.

I did it!!!

Anonymous

March 21 2002, 08:26:15 UTC 15 years ago

I made a Yahoo Group for the Diaries. It's free and open to all.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/verysecretdiaries

Join up and spare poor Cassie's mailbox!!!

Heather, PBF (Yahoo ID = ash_1105)

Anonymous

March 21 2002, 09:59:06 UTC 15 years ago

I LOVE THE DIARIES KEEP IT UP! how about doing the ring? my friend and i worked on it for a while...

DAY 17:
v.dark in mines of moria. Frodo keeps grunting, don't know whether he's in pain or he's about to come...

LOVE VSD!

Anonymous

March 21 2002, 11:33:01 UTC 15 years ago

Hi Cassie - I love your diaries! I read them every day, and have passed your URL on to my students and fellow faculty members.

Actually, I would love to start a Live Journal on Internet dating with a LOTR theme.
If anyone wants to send me a code to start a live journal, I would greatly appreciate it. My e-mail is ProfBrenda@hotmail.com

Sincerely,

Professor Brenda

I don't know if you've come across this or not, but "Sam will kill me if I try anything" has turned up on rec.arts.sf.written. http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%22sam+will+kill+me%22+group:rec.arts.sf.written.*&hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&oe=ISO-8859-1&selm=a7ahun%247j8%241%40daymark.empros.com&rnum=1 (Sorry about the incredibly long link!)

It looks like the Very Secret Diaries are well on their way to becoming part of pop culture. Keep up the good work!

Wonderful!

Anonymous

March 22 2002, 00:08:58 UTC 15 years ago

This is wonderful! I found them by accident and now my friend and I go around quoting them... especially during gym lessons, for some reason... may be the complete boredom that strikes then. People who don't love these muse have some sort of anti-humour defect - or can't read english. Like another friend of mine... after being forced to read, she just stared at me and wondered if perhaps it was good to run while it still wasn't too late.


Anyway, we'd love to see diaries from the Ring, Galadriel, the Balrog, an unnamed Orc, maybe from Bilbo, the Witch-King, the poor Barliman at the Prancing Pony (who has to deal with both the "still not king"-guy, the hobbits and Arwen), and any other charater that pops out for more than three seconds in anything Tolkien-related.


Friend adds; anything about Harry Potter (!!!!) will also do nicely.


Thanks for letting us read this far in the world of VSD and don't leave us hanging!
somewhere -- I will have to check -- there is a website of satires of Shakespeare's plays by some guy

I read the Hamlet spoof, in which Hamlet himself struck me as kinda like Groucho Marx, Horatio like Chico Marx, the Queen like Margaret D-whatever -- and the whole thing was one of the funniest Shakespeare parodies I have ever read

do you like "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey?

some of my favorite comedians are Steven Wright, Woody Allen, and Matt Groening
... you should really do Glorfindel. After all, the poor bloke has probably waited at the ford for weeks, waiting to be a hero and get in there with those cute little hobbits, and then when he turns his back for one minute Arwen steals the show.

The diaries are brilliant, well done!
Hey Cassie, someone copied the Aragorn diary to their own freeopen diary and didn't give you any credit.

http://www.freeopendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A236853&entry=10607
they copied more than that!! whatta bastard!!

eh?

Anonymous

March 22 2002, 09:03:45 UTC 15 years ago

Is it true my comment was deleted because it contained something critical? God it´s low.

1) I haven't deleted any critical comments, although I do delete anonymous flames.

2) This is my JOURNAL. Not a review board, not a government forum. I don't have to put up with any garbage I don't want to put up with, and that includes homophobic comments, flames, threats or anything whatever I don't like. I didn't ask for this to turn into some kind of review board. It's still my diary -- private, not public, space. It's my choice what I want to leave up here.
I voted for FictionAlley. It's a very cool site, I just wasted away an hour there (could've spent five.) Looking forward to more Secret Diary Entries!

(P.S. I was just reading Bridget Jones's Diary and now I know where you got "aloof, unavailable princess" from. I love that line. :D)
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