The original pervy hobbit fancier (cassieclaire) wrote,
The original pervy hobbit fancier

excerpt from Sauron's diary

The Secret Diary of Sauron

Day One: Dirty weekend with Elrond turned sour when I told him purple was not his color.

Day Five Have been marched against by last alliance of men and nancing elves. Is transparent attempt by Elrond to get back at me for comment about purple. I will not take it back! I told him purple made him look like an eggplant, and it does. Is no need for him to get so shirty about it.

Day Six Is not that being defeated by last alliance is so bad, is not even that being reduced to a disembodied eyeball is so bad, although Visine would be a comfort. But whose bright idea was it to slice onions in here?


Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip. Have taken their disco ball away. God, it's fun to be evil.

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well i'm going to post a love *erm* *giggle* letter any who I LOVE YOU CASSIE CLAIRE!!

but i'll vote... if only i knew where... so uhm, where?

where d'you want me (and everyone else) to vote?


March 19 2002, 23:08:12 UTC 16 years ago

Only 27 comments so far? *looks vaguely amused*

You can vote for Fictionalley here:


16 years ago



16 years ago



March 19 2002, 16:05:08 UTC 16 years ago

I can't wait to hear more!!! SUre, I'll go vote for fictionalley... It IS a nice site...

-Rougue [Er, dun ask...]
the Making of the Fellowship
ARAGORN: Frodo, if by my life or death, I can serve you, I will. You have my sword.

LEGOLAS: And my bow.

GIMLI: And my axe.

MERRY: And my sympathies.

PIPPIN: And here's my bill.

Blynk (undomiel) wrote, in laughlorien,
@ 2001-12-29 12:55:00

Since we were all discussing a spoof version of LotR in the other community...

The following I claim, and it MUST be so---

Wallace Shawn as the Witch-King of Angmar/Lord of the Nazgûl. He'd be SO PERFECT.

Shawn: FOOL! No living man may hinder me!
Eowyn: Ah, but no living man am I!
Shawn: Inconceivable!
Eowyn: You look upon a woman! Eowyn, am I; sister-daughter to King Theoden.
Shawn: A minor technicality!


(Post a new comment)

kvschwartz <--- my part begins here
2001-12-29 12:48 (link)
Eowyn: You lay down your sword, I'll lay down my sword, and we'll thumb wrestle for Gondor.
Shawn: I have no thumbs! I am nine-tenths ghost! I am Nazgûl!
Eowyn: (stabs Shawn)
Shawn: No fair! I never said "go"! Oh, Saurpuss, save me! (dies)
Eowyn: Crap! I've got Nazgûl blood on my knickers. Where can I get new knickers in Gondor?
Pippin: Hey, I'm dying here.
Eowyn: Shut up. You've got lower billing.
Eh, wasn't it MErry who helped slay the nazugul guy?


16 years ago

Deleted comment


16 years ago

Visine, hee.. too funny. More than happy to vote for such talent.



March 19 2002, 19:00:46 UTC 16 years ago

my side...

"Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip. Have taken their disco ball away. God, it's fun to be evil."


And that's all I can say right about now.

go cassie


March 19 2002, 19:07:32 UTC 16 years ago

go cassie! great sauron entries. but when are we gonna get more hp?? the draco series must be completed soon or spontaneous combustion might take place!! please hurry
Yay! More Diaries! Thank you!

::goes to vote for Cassie Claire's site::
The smilies are not happy enough to describe what I am feeling.

I had the Diaries e-mailed to me about a week ago and have since them passed then around my school, supporting them and preaching their absolutely hilariousness to everyone who has read or seen LoTR. Everyone loves them, and beg to take them home. My copy has the URL ripped away from half the pages, where I have taken it to give to Diary Lovers.

Write more soon!



March 19 2002, 20:55:23 UTC 16 years ago

OMG OMG OMG thankyou thankyou thankyou!
I love the diaries so,so,so much!
thankyou again


Go LOTRers!


March 19 2002, 20:59:26 UTC 16 years ago

Nope, i'm definetlt a LOTRer aswell as ALL my friends (most of which hate HP)
keep up the good work!




March 19 2002, 22:28:28 UTC 16 years ago

SAURON'S DIARY ROCKED! thanx it's great! bye!
Okay more later? (groan) How you tease and trample! I gotta have my VSD fix. Wait, that sounds faintly disgusting doesn't it?

Oh well. I'm a shameless addict. I ADMIT IT!!

Go Cassie.


hey- well done on the diary- all of them, in fact...
if i can't email you and praise you in that way i'll send you a letter- because i think you have real talent. the diaries are some of the funniest things i have read on the internet in a long time. well done
ps. i was thinking of a character whose diary you could try- maybe treebeard, the ent? pippin's take on screwing a giant tree man would be extremly funny and merry's even better, judging by your wrtiting so far



March 20 2002, 03:08:34 UTC 16 years ago

That's the spirit. Amass a vast army of netizens, and then use them for your own sinister purposes. You should consider taking money to recommend sites.
Well done!

Saw people discussing your site on #subcafe. Have been addicted ever since. Checking daily for new diaries *grin*. Have the Still Not King shirt. Co-workers and I tend to ask each other "How you doing?" "Still not King, damnit!" Spreading the word as much as I can!

On the other hand, much sympathy re:Jeff. Been four years since my psycho-stalker ex lost track of me (after two-plus years of obsession), and it's not long enough! Good luck, and ignore the idjits who blame the victim. They obviously have NO IDEA.

Keep it up - can't wait to see your take on the next two movies/books!

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